Menu for The Analog Cafe and Theater in Portland, OR

I will never go back to this place. Stopped in for a bite. Apparently anyone inside is forced to leave when a band is playing... that night. No warning when you get there, nothing. So I just get my food, (which took forever even though there was maybe 8customers when I got there +us for 12) and I'm yelled at to "move it". The guy that made the announcement over loud speakersimmediately walked over to my table of four to yell at us. I was already standing and everyone else was moving when he decidedwe weren't moving fast enough. But I mean we all were pretty much mid first bite of our food when this happened. I was "sternlytalked at" again because I wasn't going to just leave my food unattended at the table and asked for a box. All to stand in linefor a wristband. Only to get to the front of the line and find out it's ten dollars to get back in, Cash Only. What? No mentionof any of this when we got there and ordered everything. At least warn people or something. Horrible way to conduct business. Read more

Interesting venue, having a cafe and small stage on the first floor as well as the mainstage on the second floor. Sometimes you... can hear two musical acts playing simultaneous, but that's just a new form of music in itself. Read more

I've never had such a good time surrounded by douches. The bands were great, the guy at the door was cool, the skinny cook that... likes to choke people from behind is the reason I won't go back. Very unprofessional. Read more

Whatever security they hired on for the last Norma Jean concert where a bunch of douchebags. But, their normal staff and normal... security are really cool. They have some cool concerts there, and they give out free water if you are attending one. That'salways cool. Read more

Downstairs: Okay little venue. More like a bar with a tiny stage where there are usually booths. I've seen a couple of shows... here that were not bad. The bar is pretty decent, though it would definitely not be my first choice of places to go to onHawthorne, but not a terrible choice for hanging out on a Tuesday night. Upstairs: Literally the worst venue I can imagine forconcerts. The ceiling is low, the floor is old and squishy (and vibrates from the concurrent concert below), the bar is...not abar but instead serves $4 Red Bulls. The worst part for me is the stage. It is about ~3 inches raised from the rest of thefloor, which means that if there are more than 2 layers of people up front you will not be able to see literally anything exceptmaybe the top of one of the performer's heads (I am 6'3" and still have this problem). If you are unsure about buying a concertticket, err on the side of keeping your money. I've been to about 10 shows upstairs and all of them have been annoying atbest. The saving grace of this venue and the only reason I see it staying around is that the staff is great. I have never metanyone who works there who was mean or even unhelpful. The sound guys upstairs try their best to make the concerts sound good,but are working with the backyard Ford Pinto of concert venues. I just hope that some day the building is renovated and thatawful upstairs is just removed or repurposed. Read more